The Worst Daily.

For Christmas, my wife bought a huge stocking of toys for my dogs.  I didn’t have a problem with this, those are pretty reasonable gifts.  If my wife bought any of the following, however, she would’ve been making me sandwiches with a limp for a time to come:

5.  Dog Poop Freeze
It’s a can.  That freezes your dog poo — easier to clean up, supposedly.  And, might I ask, do you do while you let the poo sit on the floor?  Just watch it freeze?

4. Pawlish.
Nail polish for your dogs.  I don’t approve.

3.  Pet Strollers
I understand putting kids into strollers, you have sex, baby comes out — sure you don’t want it, but at least you don’t have to carry it.  Well, dogs are a choice.  Let it walk, or don’t have one.  Just don’t put it into a freaking bag on wheels because you’re too lazy to tend to it.

2.  Clothes
Yeah, it’s so cute to see your dog dressed up like a pirate.  I especially love getting Christmas cards with pets dressed up, it makes my holidays that much brighter… right before I vomit on myself.

1.  Doggles
Sunglasses.  For dogs.   No kidding.