The Worst Daily.

Since my post yesterday brought out every elitist asshole dishing out all kinds of “facts” and “data” on the comparisons between the north and south, I decided to dish out some facts of my own on the north.

5. Full of assholes.
It’s full of a elitist, pompous assholes. “BUT HEY YOU HAVE CHRISTIANS DOWN SOUTH LOLZZERS!!111″ So, what? I don’t go into a restaurant and see them slaughtering a lamb at a portable altar — you know what they do? They hold the door for me as my wife and I walk in. I once was up in New York and held the door for someone walking out of the gas station behind me, they screamed because they thought I was going to rob them.

4. The way you crazies drive.
“OH BUT DOWN SOUTH THEY DRIVE LIKE GRANDMOTHERS!!!!11ONEONE” Some people love to say it’s because we’re simple Christians and have sex with our sister, etc etc. And those people would be morons. We drive slow (comparatively to the north) because we’re not in a hurry all the time. Unlike the north, we’re not driving frantically to make it in time from our yoga classes to dance recitals. We have scenery down here. The ocean. Beautiful women. We just relax and take it slow. If you experience a bad driver down here, they’re more often than not from the north.

3. Weather.
While -20 during December does sound exciting, I’ll take 50-70 during the winter. Oh, I know what you northern assholes will say next — “BUT THE SUMERR!!!11111″ I understand it gets hot in the summer. It’s why we have air conditioning. That’s why we have beaches. Oh, and you know what? They’re full of a bunch of northerners.

2. Sports
Sure, every professional team can win. So the fuck what, you don’t have a single person from your area playing. Yankees and the Red Sox are no different, they import their team from the same place I import my electronics. And don’t even get me started on those pompous, cheating New England Patriots. Your teams are hated all around the country, with your only fans within your own borders. Outside of the professional arena, your sports teams are horrific — every collegiate and high school program in the northeast is in shambles (Penn State too, depending on the day).

So, teams that are imported do very well — while your local athletes are pathetic.

Is that about right?

1. Women.
The north is full with a bunch of hog-beasts. I can recall dozens of songs throughout pop culture and history that mention the charm, class, and beauty of a southern girl, but I can’t seem to recall any lyrics along the lines of “I’d like to go home to my sweet northern princess.” Oh, wait, that’s right — they’re a bunch of hog-beasts.